Can't Understand... Never!!!

We don't understand Women : Their "Whatever" "Anything" OR "You Decide"

1 . (Whatever)

Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. (You decide)

Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

With due respect, again!!!

With due respect, again!!!

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a Pathan got on. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Conductor didn't argue with Pathan, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened – Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next..

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when Pathan once again got on the bus and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at Pathan, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Pathan replied, "Pathan has a bus pass."

Moral: Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one

--Courtesy:Internet!

With due respect

With due respect:

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Japan, another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House officer to examine the fence.

The Japan contractor takes out a tape to measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900.($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official :)

--Courtesy: Internet!

Customer care in 2020

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ .. on.......8898613561 02049998-
45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registra tion number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing.! ... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"

Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: Faints...

In a different note...

A fire alarm rang at 4 PM when almost all shift employees are in office (approx 5000).

As usual entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & every employee gathered outside office.

10 mins passed..................................5 more mins passed.

Security Officer started Announcement: "Dear Employees - With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a last evacuation drill. Due to the recession we are laying off almost 50% of employees. While moving in if your ID card does not work, then you are among those laid off & all your belongings will be couriered to you tomorrow.

We followed this approach as we didn't want to fill email box size with layoff mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office.

Hope you have nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck..."

ENG(KILL)ISH...!

Killing English ……

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

************ ********* ********* ************ *

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Cup of Tea.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea", which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :) "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that your daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Why men wear ear rings?

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."


The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Men always have better friends....

Men always have better friends....

They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!


Here's an example:-



Friends of Women:A wife was not at home for a whole night.

So she tells her husband the very next morning,

that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.

So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and

none of them confirmed that she was with them.



Friends of Men:A husband was not at home for a whole night.

So he tells his wife the very next morning,

that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that

he stayed at their apartments that night and

another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

Joke of the day

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."

God sighed. "Let's be honest Teresa,"

He said, ". . . for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."

Joke(s) of the Day...

One guy suddenly got up in a plain and said
"hijack"
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*Everybody in the plane put there hands up.Then suddenly***
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Another guy from another side got up and said
"hi...john"
********

Pride of KF, The King of Good times:-

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.
The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .
The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."
The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."
He gets it.
Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."
The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.
The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"
"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"

~~~~~~~~~~


"Oye sardar ji your friend is kissing your wife in your house"

Sardar ji ran towards home and came back saying:"oye you have been fooled....,He is not my friend."

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Bush and Musharraf were flying in a plane.

Bush says: if I drop a billion dollars here
I'll make a million people happy.

Musharraf: if I drop my uniform.
I'll make my whole country happy.

Plane's Pilot: if I drop the plane.
I'll make the whole world happy


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A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."