Best Jokes...

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!!!Husbands!!!
A woman awakens during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "Atleast I would have been released today"!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

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B2B & B2C:

Is:
B2C: Back to Core (technologies)
B2B: Back to Basics (from all the hype)

Then.....
B2B - Bangalore 2 Boston
B2C - Bangalore 2 California

Now.....
B2B - Back to Bangalore
B2C - Back to Chennai
B2B WAP - Back to Bench, Without Any Project

May be Tomorrow.....
B2C - Back To College (to study either Mechanical or Civil!)

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Communication in Heaven & Hell:

An old man was sitting in a park reading the book "Learn C in 21 days".
A passer by saw him and asked "You are such an old guy, why do you bother to learn C?"
"I have heard that now communication language at heaven is only C , so after my death when I will be in heaven, I don't want to face communication problem." old man replied.
"But how come are U so sure that U will be in heaven? It could be hell also." he asked.
"Ya, doesn't matter .... I already know Java".

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Priest at the Pearly Gates.

Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."

Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," shrugged Saint Peter...
"While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Moral of the story:
It's Performance, Not Position that Counts

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Deadlock

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.

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Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.

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The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

''Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

''No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

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Family Problem

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. I married the widow and got myself a stepdaughter.

Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.

But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

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